Beep. Beep. Beep beep beep. Everything in this house beeps. Push a button, any button, beep. Dial a phone number, beep. Turn down the fan speed on the air conditioner, beep. Set the water level on the washer, beep. Lower the temperature on the stove so the spaghetti doesn’t boil over, beep. Turn on the fanny washer feature of the high-tech toilet, beep.
As if that weren’t maddening enough, all of the appliances also beep to let me know when they are done. And since every beep from every appliance is the exact same tone, with no discernible difference in length or pitch, I have to count the number of beeps to know which appliance wants my attention. Five beeps--oven, eight beeps—dryer, ten beep—washer. I have to be on constant alert on days when I am multi-tasking. If I am really absorbed in Oprah when I am ironing and only the last two or three beeps of some appliance’s cry for attention penetrate my consciousness, then I don’t know whether it is time to put the banana bread in the oven or time to take the towels out of the dryer.
And don’t think I can escape the beeping by leaving the house. As soon as I put the car in reverse, it, too, starts beeping! Every Japanese car does this—not as a warning to anyone standing near the car that you are about to back up, as it cannot be heard outside the car. No, it is a special beeping designed to warn the driver inside the car that he is about to back up (not sure how he would not know this already, since the big R on the gearshift tends to be a big hint). In my case, it is just a powerful incentive to learn how to back up quickly and efficiently. Once the car is in drive, there is finally peace. At least until I turn up the fan speed on the air conditioner, or turn down the volume on the radio…
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